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Archive for May, 2014


An antagonist is called Shloka. A shloka is loosely defined as couplet, or a couple of lines that convey a message much like a haiku. This antagonist is trying to pretend to be a nice guy to be accepted by the family of a girl, and the girl herself, who apparently is good-natured and cultured, yet progressive, intelligent and independent. The protagonist, let’s call her Umber. She probably recites shlokas with blues rhythms in the background. Such is her personality – she will shut up a leather-donning tattoo-flashing college-going everyday kid for criticizing an incompetent government among a group of friends. And she will skip lunch to help a malnourished beard-wielding homeless actor steal a bunch of bananas from a fruit vendor. Speaking of whom, Shloka has a stubble that is glued on and wears bright orange shirts and beige pants. His face is too big for his shoulders, but it is important when the camera has to be lower to make up for his lack of height. Someone cut the sleeves of his shirt to end just before the bulge of the biceps. Oh and the biceps are useful during dandiya episodes where he wears a sleeveless yellow kurta to try to seduce Shagun, or Shagun’s daughter or Shagun’s innocent and oblivious sister.

There is another woman, called Shagun. Shagun is sometimes a boy’s name too. But the only thing in common between a girl-Shagun and a boy-Shagun is the shape of their eyebrows. Shagun speaks in short and cryptic sentences. Her crisp rhetoric is directed towards two kinds of audiences. One is her ally. The ally understands everything she says before she says it. But he is slightly confused after she says it. Yet he carries out his designated tasks. Such is the power of her eloquence. The other kind is he who knows of her noble ways, but is too poor or powerless or ugly to do anything about it. He too understands her style of encryption and always carries a dictionary of idioms and soap-opera clichés.

So, this Shloka fellow does all these good deeds like saving Umber from attackers, saving her mother from attacking, stopping a bus between stops so that some tardy bloke can get in and all, but he also gets his voice muffled by random chants and lezim music. What a gem! He is also considered funny and clever by Umber’s mother and well-mannered and responsible by society. So, while Umber is pretending to not give him attention and be unimpressed while secretly dancing to Skrillex’s Macbook Pro , we get to see a whole range of Shloka’s talents. He can almost lip sync and his hair-gel does not get washed away in the rain. During all this, there is a five-second segment where the key of the background music changes revealing his evil intentions. His evil intention is to marry Umber and officially be part of the family. So dastardly!

Meanwhile Shagun is plotting something similar from within (the family). She has very, very straight hair and is arguably the best-looking actor in the house. So obviously, she wants something bad to happen to Umber. My guess is that she wants to be Queen Bee. Her most prominent skills are being supermodel-thin, wearing flowery yet dull sarees and heels. Oh and rouge and eye-shadow. Violet. Shloka and Shagun do not know each others’ plans yet. They share a certain telepathic connection, however. How else would they be wearing colour coordinated sandals and jewellery? So now, two highly motivated individuals are plotting against sweet and innocent Umber. But it is not a crime yet, because the motive is not clear. We might have to wait for a few episodes and an out-of-the-sky flashback to tell us what it is. But one thing that is clear is that Shloka was not seducing Shagun on dandiya day. He must have forgotten his real kurta in the closet.